Merry Christmas From The Hooligans

Reader Contribution by Mary Carton
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Santa, we’ve been very good doggies this year. Really Santa, really we have. Mom was very sick with Rocky Mountain spotted fever last April. We didn’t know Mom had been to the mountains without us. We tried to help her weed by digging holes around the yard. Mom said we dug the holes too deep and also dug up the good plants along with the weeds.

And did we tell you, Santa, that we’ve been very good doggies this year? Mom is almost finished with that screen porch we tore the screen off of when we got scared of a storm a while back. It’s so much prettier with the new windows now then that old rusty screen one. She wanted to turn it into a garden room, and now she has gotten her wish.

And did we tell you, Santa, that we’ve been very good doggies this year? Blackie is sorry she turned the chainsaw over on the shelf in the barn and got into the oil that leaked out under the shelf and ran out under the wall to the outside. She got very sick from the oil and lost a lot of hair and had to spend the night at the veterinarian. Mom had to wrestle with her before she went to work and after she got home to give her all of those pills. We weren’t happy as we were ready to eat and Mom was spending all this time playing chase with Blackie. And Mom keeps asking us when she comes home, “What have you been rolling in?”

And did we tell you, Santa, that we’ve been very good doggies this year? Mom just won’t learn. She wanted to make a Christmas card picture again this year. First she wanted us to try on this mule collar, saying it would be a blast. She even showed us how to put it on. But we weren’t fooled. She’s wanted a horse and we were going to be turned into mules. That didn’t work, so she got out Santa hats. They were ones from last year, all full of holes. Mom said she couldn’t give them back to you after we messed them up. How were we supposed to know they were yours, Santa?

And did we tell you, Santa, that we’ve been very good doggies this year? One day, Mom got a little too close to the door and pulled this little ring off of the front of her bumper. Later she was rooting through the trash can and dumped stuff out of our dog food sack onto the ground. Blackie was so hungry that she grabbed the first thing that hit the ground and swallowed it. Mom kept saying, “You bad girl” and shaking her finger and saying, “You ate the collision sensor ring from my bumper.” Then she was fussing, “After all that money I’ve spent on your allergic reaction? I just fed you, you can’t be that hungry.” Now she keeps following Blackie when she goes down the hill to our bathroom spot.

Please, Santa, we want bones. Mom won’t let us have bones. We want junk biscuits, not that healthy stuff Mom buys. We lost all of our toys again, so we need more of those. Patches promises she’ll stop poking Mom in the rear while she’d waiting for her food. Levi promises to try and stop rubbing on Mom when he’s wet. He says he just wants to get the country back on her after she’s picked up that hospital smell. Santa, would you ask Blackie not to run down to the back 40 and when Mom comes home and we are ready to eat? Also would you ask her to stop chasing mice when Mom goes to feed us? We have to wait until she gets finish before she’ll feed us. Blackie says she does her own thing, no promises.

From all of us, we wish you the warmth of home, the love of family and friends. May you have a Blessed and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember the reason for the season.

Patches, Blackie, Levi and Mary Carton

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