Merry Christmas From The Hooligans

Santa, we’ve been very good doggies this year. Really Santa, really we have. Mom was very sick with Rocky Mountain spotted fever last April. We didn’t know Mom had been to the mountains without us. We tried to help her weed by digging holes around the yard. Mom said we dug the holes too deep and also dug up the good plants along with the weeds.


And did we tell you, Santa, that we’ve been very good doggies this year? Mom is almost finished with that screen porch we tore the screen off of when we got scared of a storm a while back. It’s so much prettier with the new windows now then that old rusty screen one. She wanted to turn it into a garden room, and now she has gotten her wish.

And did we tell you, Santa, that we’ve been very good doggies this year? Blackie is sorry she turned the chainsaw over on the shelf in the barn and got into the oil that leaked out under the shelf and ran out under the wall to the outside. She got very sick from the oil and lost a lot of hair and had to spend the night at the veterinarian. Mom had to wrestle with her before she went to work and after she got home to give her all of those pills. We weren’t happy as we were ready to eat and Mom was spending all this time playing chase with Blackie. And Mom keeps asking us when she comes home, “What have you been rolling in?”

And did we tell you, Santa, that we’ve been very good doggies this year? Mom just won’t learn. She wanted to make a Christmas card picture again this year. First she wanted us to try on this mule collar, saying it would be a blast. She even showed us how to put it on. But we weren’t fooled. She’s wanted a horse and we were going to be turned into mules. That didn’t work, so she got out Santa hats. They were ones from last year, all full of holes. Mom said she couldn’t give them back to you after we messed them up. How were we supposed to know they were yours, Santa?

And did we tell you, Santa, that we’ve been very good doggies this year? One day, Mom got a little too close to the door and pulled this little ring off of the front of her bumper. Later she was rooting through the trash can and dumped stuff out of our dog food sack onto the ground. Blackie was so hungry that she grabbed the first thing that hit the ground and swallowed it. Mom kept saying, “You bad girl” and shaking her finger and saying, “You ate the collision sensor ring from my bumper.” Then she was fussing, “After all that money I’ve spent on your allergic reaction? I just fed you, you can’t be that hungry.” Now she keeps following Blackie when she goes down the hill to our bathroom spot.

Please, Santa, we want bones. Mom won’t let us have bones. We want junk biscuits, not that healthy stuff Mom buys. We lost all of our toys again, so we need more of those. Patches promises she’ll stop poking Mom in the rear while she’d waiting for her food. Levi promises to try and stop rubbing on Mom when he’s wet. He says he just wants to get the country back on her after she’s picked up that hospital smell. Santa, would you ask Blackie not to run down to the back 40 and when Mom comes home and we are ready to eat? Also would you ask her to stop chasing mice when Mom goes to feed us? We have to wait until she gets finish before she’ll feed us. Blackie says she does her own thing, no promises.

From all of us, we wish you the warmth of home, the love of family and friends. May you have a Blessed and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember the reason for the season.

Patches, Blackie, Levi and Mary Carton

Merry Christmas from the Hooligans (Oh, and Mary)

The last few days have really been up and down and have put a damper on Christmas. My Sister-in-Law Joy’s Mom died Friday night and the funeral was Sunday. Saturday I went to Helen Keller’s birthplace to take pictures of the Christmas decorations. My sister Linda is in the hospital and I hope she gets well enough to go home before Christmas.   

This after noon, I stopped at the 3 way stop near my house, and noticed a three or four month old kitten looking at me from the ditch.  I rolled down my window and asked what it was doing, and that was all it needed as it came running, then here comes another one and then another.  Last year around this time I had a similar experience with dumped puppies. I saw this one and stopped, got out and called.  It came running and I put it in the back of my truck. Then another one showed up and I repeated the process of putting it in the back of my truck a total of six puppies.  Back to the kittens, I got out, picked up one and the other two are running around my feet, and I’m wondering what I was going to do with them.  The hooligans don’t like cats so taking them home wasn’t an option. I threw the first one in the back seat of my truck, turned around and went after another, while the first one jumps out of the open front door and runs after me.  After doing this round robin routine for what seem like ten minutes or longer, I rolled the window down, closed the door and threw the first in, then the second and finally the third.  Now I’m outside and three kittens are standing up looking out the window. Finally I was able to open the door, hold all three in and get in.  Now I’m sitting in my truck with two cats in my lap purring and rubbing on me and one is under my feet.  I called Sonny & Bob my neighbors who have cats and asked for a cage and cat food. Sonnie said she wasn’t coming out and look at them as she didn’t need anymore cats.  She had Bob bring the cage and food out.  We managed to get all three in the cage and I decided to take them and put them in the drop off cages at the shelter.  I felt like a dog while taking them out of the cage and putting them in one of the shelters cages. They were still purring and rubbing on me. 

When I got home, walked in the back door, threw my shoes and stepped in wet. Water was everywhere. I ran and got a bunch of towels and put them down and turned on the light with a wooden yard stick so I could see where the water was coming from as it was standing in the middle of the room.  I started sopping up with the towels under an old late 1800’s tiger walnut sideboard and a felt cold spray under the sideboard.  When I pulled it away from the wall, I saw the hole in the wall where a pipe comes from the water heater in other room.  When I turned off the hot water cut off on top of the heater, the spray stopped. I dried my feet, and flipped the breaker off with the yard stick.  At least I have cold water until I can get a plumber out.  After taking a shower, I’m wide awake now. 

 I wish everyone a Merry and Blessed Christmas from my family and the hooligans.  I might be a little inconvenient, but its minor compared to what some of our service personnel are experiencing and those who don’t know where their next meal is coming from. 

 I would like to share a story how we found out how Santa got into our house without a chimney to come down and this years Christmas card I sent out to my family and friends along with a copy of their letter to Santa on the back along with some of the pictures I took while trying to make the card. 

I would like to wish whoever dumped the kittens out in the cold for the coyotes to have the same Merry Christmas your kittens are having. 

The Christmas we found out how Santa gets into our house

My siblings and I grew up on an active dairy farm in NW Alabama.  Dad would get up early milk, bottle it and then head out on his milk route. In the afternoon, they would hit the fields, come home to milk the cows, and come in late, so we didn’t get to see much of my Dad.  It is rare that Alabama gets snow, much less a white Christmas, but this year in the early sixties we got snow on Christmas Eve! 

Christmas morning we went out to play in the snow and there in the snow were two sled tracks, small hoof prints in between the tracks going across the yard stopping short of the basement door.  We also found Santa’s boot prints going to the door.  At last!! We found the answer how Santa got into our house without a chimney!  He came up through the floor furnace!  

Years later we found out that the boot prints were those of my Dad going to the basement to bring out a hidden merry go round, which explained the sled tracks.  The melted out hoof prints turned out to be the dogs following behind Dad. Our parents had spent half the night putting together the merry go round in the kitchen and then had to get up early to milk. 

 This is the greeting inside of the card:

Merry Christmas from the hooligans!

Mom decided to that we needed to make a Christmas card again this year. After we nixed Christmas bows last year, we thought she wouldn’t try anything this year, but no she decided that we were going to wear Santa hats. We had other ideas. She even got Grandma to help. We kept them busy for a while and gave them the run around, especially when Patches ran off with the hat.  After Mom chased her around for a bit she gave up.

We hope you have a Merry Christmas,

Blackie, Levi and Patches, oh, and Mary.

Hooligans letter to Santa:

Dear Santa, 

We’ve been very good doggies this year.  Mom hurt her knee last April, and we tried to help her weed by digging holes around the yard.  Mom said we dug the holes too deep and also dug up the good plants along with the weeds.  She didn’t explain to us the difference between a good weed and a bad one. They all look the same to us.  We kept telling Blackie not to dig around a couple of trees after mice because Mom told us not to last year, but she wouldn’t listen.  Patches ran and told Mom and got Blackie in trouble.  Patches really enjoyed that. Blackie had surgery in October for bladder stones as she refused to eat that nasty food to get rid of them.  Mom had knee surgery the middle of November. She’s been walking around with a couple of sticks under her arms. Grandmother has been feeding us and when we really act like we are starving she’ll give us a little more than Mom.  After all that’s what Grandmothers are for aren’t they?  Anyway Santa, please bring us some chew bones and another one of those tires with the rope on it. We lost the two you brought us last year.  Also bring us another one of those roll around play balls. Blackie left it the front yard and Mom accidently ran over it with her tractor.


Published on Dec 20, 2011

Grit Magazine

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