Neighbor etiquette, being a good neighbor & tips to create and maintain friendly bonds with your fellow farmers.
Whether you’re a longtime country resident with just-transplanted city folk moving in next door, or you’re preparing to be the new neighbor yourself, neighborhood relationships in the countryside are particularly important.
You might think that because neighbors are separated by many acres or even miles in the country, you don’t have to worry about them. Out of sight, out of mind. But interactions with your neighbors can be more common in rural areas. And there’s a good reason for that – out here, a good neighbor can be a lifeline.
A good neighbor can help you in a crisis, especially if emergency services are far away, and neighbors with complementary farming skills can work together. One of the greatest benefits of good relationships in a rural town is that you may find someone who can hay your fields or help with a harvest or barn build in exchange for a skill or produce. Bartering with neighbors is a great way to form bonds: Just always offer a fair bargain.
Being a Good Neighbor Tips
To forge good bonds with a new neighbor, here are some basic guidelines to follow, regardless of how rural your home is.
- Avoid topics of politics, money, or religion. If they do come up, try not to take this as an opportunity to convert, evangelize, or argue your position. This can be difficult, especially if the issue is important to you. If simply nodding in agreement feels unbearable, consider polite ways to state your opinion before you find yourself in a fight that’ll define your relationship with your neighbor.
- Be open-minded. If there’s one lesson to take into country living, it’s to never judge a person. If you’re moving to a rural location, chances are your neighbors have spent generations on that land. Ask their opinions and consult their memories when it comes to how the land has been used and what may or may not thrive on your homestead or farm. And, it should go without saying, don’t assume someone lacks knowledge because of an appearance or accent – you’ll encounter some of the wisest people you’ll ever meet.
- Establish property lines. This is essential to good rural neighborhood relationships. However, if posted signs suddenly start popping up on a previously unmarked property, people will often wonder what happened. It can be simpler to ease into land boundaries by letting folks know you plan to post before doing so. In some areas, depending on your property lines, you may want to leave the land unposted but let neighbors know that a transgression will be followed by posting.
Property laws vary state to state, and you should consult these before making a final decision on posting. In many areas, it isn’t considered trespassing if someone is on unposted land, as long as they’re not causing damage to the land or refusing to leave. - Have boundaries. Make sure to establish some ground rules and let your neighbors know about them, especially if you’re going to operate a working farm or homestead. To be friendly with your neighbors doesn’t mean forgoing all boundaries – as the saying goes, good fences make good neighbors.
- Hone conversational skills. One of the more minor challenges of neighbors who only swing by occasionally is that they’ll often want to catch up when they do, and that can cut into farm work. Scott and Helen Nearing, in their book Living the Good Life, described requiring a chatty neighbor to pick up a tool and help out if they want to talk. That may be an extreme way of handling the situation, but you’ll need to work on your skills at sliding out of a conversation or continuing work while listening to a tale or two.
- Manage hunting on your property. Hunting is a big part of most rural cultures. Consider how you’ll handle hunting on your land, as you’ll often be asked for permission even if the property is posted. A simple “no” is usually the best answer if you keep livestock, which can be accidentally harmed or disturbed by hunters.
- The presence of your animals should be enough justification for not allowing any hunting.
- Prepare to deal with dogs. Dogs are often a concern in the countryside. If you have a livestock guardian dog, it’ll often bark through the night. Livestock guardian dogs should be able to bark – their job is to ward off predators – but warn neighbors you have a livestock guardian dog, or consider another guardian animal if you’re worried about noise in your area.
Furthermore, hunting dogs can sometimes escape and kill livestock. In the case of deceased livestock, request the value of the animal from the dog owner. Good fences and enclosed spaces for your animals to sleep at night can help combat this. - Put up livestock signage. If you have livestock, unwanted visitors inside their enclosure can be a danger to animals and people. Even if you don’t post your property, invest in signage indicating not to enter animal enclosures or feed animals. You may be surprised by how many people consider a farm a rural zoo, and neighbors or out-of-towners may pull up to your fence line and offer carrots or other treats to the animals. While good signage helps, you may need to have some straightforward conversations with visitors: Don’t approach the animals without the farmer present, don’t cross fence lines, and don’t feed the animals without permission.
- Welcome new neighbors or introduce yourself. Showing up with a warm pie, cut flowers, or fresh eggs goes a long way to establishing a sense of community! Setting up a farm or homestead without a hello will put the neighborly relationship on a strained footing before it begins.
Good neighbors are a lifeline in a rural community. They’re who you’re going to call if an animal escapes, they can help you establish and grow your farm, and they’re some of the few folks whom you can talk to about rural living who’ll truly understand. Like all relationships, a good neighborly relationship takes an investment of time and patience, a few boundaries, and a healthy dose of understanding.
Originally published as “Be a Good Neighbor” in the November/December 2024 issue of GRIT magazine and regularly vetted for accuracy.
Kirsten Lie-Nielsen is a freelance writer focused on climate change, sustainability, modern agriculture, and rural lifestyles. She’s the author of two books on homesteading, and she lives in rural Maine with her husband and many animals on a restored farm.