From Fear to Focused on Christ

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Life is like marching and calling cadences. Do you know why they have you sing while you’re marching? The reason is twofold: they know you are breathing at a good pace, plus it takes your mind off your steps so you can take more of them, in a better mood. While you are marching, calling cadences helps you keep pace. If I would just keep a steady pace, I’d have no need to run and catch up later, risking the chance of injury. And I wouldn’t need to slow down for others to catch up if I didn’t jump the gun and run ahead, in fear that I’d be left behind.

I’ve finally realized that the main problem in my life is fear. Fear I won’t have enough, I won’t have enough food, enough money, enough time, enough friends, enough help to do what I need to do. I feared everything before I came to Columbia. Fear I’ll make a mistake. Fear I’ll be laughed at. But I trusted God to bring me here safe and give me what I need. Who am I to say what I need? For the first four months, I was homeless on the streets. I tried almost all the shelters, charities, and programs — even government programs. I tried getting jobs (when I already have a thriving writing career — just no money to show for it). I tried asking people I started to get to know for help. I tried singing and dancing on the street for money (it’s called “busking” and I had to pay to get a license for it). That yielded few profits, mostly just people staring, or trying to talk to me while I was trying to earn shelter money. I tried everything and a whole lot more, except the wrong things: lying, prostitution, drugs, sex outside of marriage — you get it. The number one thing is that I must serve the Lord. I give, especially when it’s the hardest. I give my money, time, talents, everything, because God gave them all to me and I give them back because I love Him and am thankful and want to help the world know the Man I love the most, and be happy because they love themselves because of Jesus. I am asked “How are you doing?” I always say “I am blessed.” Quizzical looks often follow. When someone asks “What do you mean?” or otherwise give an indication they want to start a conversation, I tell them that I always have something to give. Even if all I have to give is prayer, I am still the richest woman alive. You never know when you might save a life. You never know when you might lift someone up with your words. Usually, that person is me.

Thank you Columbia, Forest Acres, and Lexington! I am no longer afraid of talking to people. And because y’all always tell me how you love that I’m “not afraid of what people think” and I am “different” because I always smile, laugh and dance and sing no matter what my circumstances, you have made me less afraid, so I can better serve you and the Lord. If I cared what other people thought, I wouldn’t be true to myself or the Lord, and I wouldn’t be able to help y’all. What do I have to lose? I can lose people to Christ possibly, so I must praise Him no matter what and be grateful to Him for all I have. I am grateful for all of you this Christmas season. Praying for all of South Carolina, my native Erie, Pennsylvania, and all my readers. I love you all!

Photo by Fotolia/bananna