You can always tell city slickers who move to the country: used to urban combat, they consider every part of the outdoors to be a war zone, and act accordingly:
1. They have a powerful desire to change things overnight. This is because they have arrived with a Vision (planting an orchard, gardening) and they view their new land acquisition as a Tabula Rasa (i.e. nothing, obviously, is in prior existence until they have personally laid hands upon it.)
2. They view local wildlife with trepidation, at best.
Now, some things I can understand. Despite their initial ‘cute’ feel, skunks (for example) hold little attraction once one’s nose gets a whiff of something that smells nastily akin to burnt coffee.
Other things are more puzzling.
I recently had opportunity to speak with a neighbor who had moved to our hamlet from the Big City and had ‘endured’ country living’s many challenges for a whopping 2 years before throwing in her Raid and gopher traps and opting for a ‘better’ urban lifestyle.
Moi: “…but, won’t you miss small-town living?”
Miss L: “Nope, there’s not a thing I like about it. Even the trees here are dirty.”
Moi: “??”
Miss L (relentless): “They drop leaves. I am ALWAYS SWEEPING the walkway, and it’s never clean.”
Just then a dove wafted down between us in a flagrant act of bravery. Now mind you – this is the proverbial Bird of Peace. A gentle, scary-cat soul that takes flight at a moment’s notice and somehow manages to rarely poop a car in the process.
Moi: “But won’t you miss the doves?”
Miss L: “Oh, they are the WORST OF ALL. They roost on our roof all the time. I can’t sleep at night for their incessant cooing.”
Wow. I had never heard ‘dove’ associated with ‘incessant’ before.
Perhaps it was all for the good that Miss L. fled back to her urban roots.
Even though, a year later, I heard via the Town Rumor Mill that Miss L. was waging a new war in her native City.
Against pigeons.
You can always tell country folk who move back to the city. They’ve discovered the basics of warfare in the country, and are just movin’ it all back home.
