On my late night rides to Central New York, I often hear songs asking women if they think their man’s tractor is sexy.
Let me tell you — I don’t know of ANY woman alive who dreams about sitting on their man’s lap, in a dusty field, and sweating profusely in the sun on top a tractor that is sullied and sizzling. Sorry guys, but that’s just the plain honest truth of it – she doesn’t think your tractor’s sexy. Try Tahiti – that’s sexy!
And what about those tractors – do THEY think they're sexy?
They ride through the mud and snow, haul sweaty farmers on their backs – endure tobacco drool, coffee spills, and diesel drips. They have a real close relationship with dirt and manure. They are jealous of horses. No one gives them treats, or baths, unless they happen to be the star of the local tractor pull.
Nevertheless, all MWMs (Men with Muscles) think tractors are very sexy, and believe me if you're driving past a tractor on the road it will turn their heads every time!
This brings me to my escapade. I was roaming the hills of Lebanon, New York, in my big, black, pick-up truck happily singing “Two Sleepy People” to my windshield – the wipers applauded. This arrangement works quite well for me.
All of a sudden, I flipped off the music. There was a tractor sitting alone in the foggy mist – smack dab in front of me! A big ol’ Ford 6600 Tractor in a wet soggy field with an orange for sale sign plastered on front. It was blue, and American made; a true 1978 beast that I knew my MWM would think was sexy.
I was not in the mood to get wet, so I jumped out and took a few pictures with my Blackberry and flew through the hills to tell him about it.
I do love my MWM – and what a pleasant opportunity this would be. I smiled as I pulled in the drive.
The MWM and his mother were working on the garden area in the light rain – a project on the 2011 list. They looked tired. When I got in, I tempted them with lunch and hot tea. They took the bait and came in for a break.
“Saw a tractor,” I said unexcitingly while making some sandwiches, “A big Ford 6600 Tractor at the bottom of the hill.” The MWM looked up with immediate interest. He paced around and acted like he was gonna have a baby til we packed up and got ready to leave on Sunday.
Needless to say on the way back to New Jersey we were sloshing through the mud to get the number, model and price off the sign and he was attempting to call the owner who was, of course, not in.
We had to stop by our friend’s Lash and Pat, of L.T.'s Tables & Stuff and L.T.'s Loco Honey, where they sell picnic tables, lawn furniture, cutting boards, and most anything made of wood including clocks and Christmas ornaments and much more. They also sell honey, fresh brown eggs, summer and winter squash, zucchini, beans and cucumbers and hay. Right on Route 12 in Sherburne if you want to stop by and say hi!
I needed to stop and see Pat before I left for NJ. They are my natural food source – I go to the NJ supermarket for the things I can’t get from Pat.
The MWM could not wait to tell Lash about his potential tractor conquest.
Lash said, “Well, you really don’t need an engine that big – go look for something smaller.”
Men don’t say much when they are talking tractor size. Just grunt a lot, flash their eyebrows, and make odd expressions. Some sort of male tractor mating call or something I guess.
According to Pat, Lash has a John Deere 950 Diesel. She said he loves his tractor. It has good power, and is great on fuel. Does everything on the farm! Mows with the haybine, rakes, and bales hay. Pulls hay wagons, brush hogs and even mows lawn.
All men LOVE their tractors, don’t they?
A smaller tractor may have been smarter for us to start with – but Lash had to go and actually use the word “smaller”.
And the MWM used the word “big”. Big, when associated with machinery, is a word that should never be used in front of the mother of a MWM.
But, smaller is a word that should NEVER be said to a MWM – especially in relation to an engine of any sort and in front of any women directly related to him. Hence, began the process of trying to acquire the 1978 Ford 6600 immediately.
We got a hold of the owner, by a miracle managed financing though an angel, and bought the beast. We both had absolutely no idea what a Ford 6600 Tractor was, but we knew it was big. It had a three point hitch, it had wheel weights, and it had the original Ford Shop Manual – now THAT’S important! It’ll be a learning experience…
The MWM has his Tractor – and I’m sure he thinks it’s sexy. Isn’t life just grand!
Muck Boot Diva