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Looking Back, Moving Forward

| 6/12/2014 7:43:00 AM

But she had wings 

"When she transformed into a butterfly,
the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness.
They wanted her to change back into what she always had been.
But she had wings.”
~ The Poetry of Oneness

Homesteading Tales from Rowangarth Farm

A lot has changed since I last posted to this blog and yet much has stayed the same. The biggest difference, outwardly at least, is I'm now living this farm dream on my own. The other differences are more subtle, relating more to my personal evolution. In the six years I've lived here I've learned, seen, experienced so much and yet I'm humble enough to know there is a lifetime of new experiences and growth still ahead of me. And yet despite my emerging confidence and knowledge, there are still days when I'm left with more questions than answers.

Lately I've been thinking about what I'm doing here. Not in terms of my day-to-day functionality – I have a 'to-do' list two pages long. But the bigger picture? More existential stuff. The kind of thinking that happens when your world gets turned upside down and you're faced with the question, "Now what?"

I moved to the farm because I wanted to extricate myself from the dominant culture that is killing our planet and ourselves through reckless production and senseless consumption. To create space where I could live a life of meaning and connection. To take the path less chosen. Inspire others to do the same. I wanted to make a difference. To be able to look into the eyes of my kids and their kids (if that comes to pass) and say, "I tried."

7/12/2016 9:38:35 AM

I just found your blog today and enjoyed reading your posts. I usually only like to read about what's actually happening on a farm, not so much posts about convictions and newly learned wisdom, but yours I liked. PS: Stop biting your tongue.

7/13/2014 10:39:48 AM

I have been getting caught up on some of my favorite blogs and came across yours. In it I can feel your struggles, your doubt, your sense of loss. But fear not. You are doing more than you know. You stated that rather than the farm belonging to you, that you more belong to the farm. This is so very true. You have chosen to be the steward of a gift. A gift for today and for all time. A steward's job according to Webster's is the conducting, supervising, or managing of something; especially: the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care. You are taking care of something for others. Those who are sure to come after you; or after them even. It is long term. Your land has been there since the beginning of time and you have CHOSEN to care for it and to apply your life's work to seeing it be a benefit to others. There is no more respectable job than to take care of something so magnificent for the sake of others. The idea of escaping the world of consumerism and excess is not the wrong idea. It is the necessary idea. If even for your own sanity. I often wonder where everyone is going in such a hurry. I currently live in a very large metropolitan area but purchased a sleepy little farm in east Texas that will carry me into my golden years. It is natural to want to be free of the established systems of consumption and chaos. Your so called simple solutions are what grounds us to the earth. It keeps the complexities of life from overwhelming our existance. Ideas like using mayonaise to remove water rings from wood furniture or the 1001 uses of WD-40 or even using toothpaste to fill a nail hole in a wall are all simple fixes to everyday problems but without keeping them simple, we would eventually become overwhelmed as any needed fix would require 27 steps and a 10 page set of IKEA directions. Your input is so greatly appreciated. Even if it is only to say that we are all in this together. We all long for a change in the status quo. Where getting back to sustainability makes sense and relates sense to others who would never have known it. You are interwoven because you care and it is important. Not only to you and your sense of purpose but to those who come in contact with you and those who see the fruits of your labors. You are doing right. Thank you for your blogs. While it is as real as it can get, it still offers hope and the assurance that in this wild and crazy world, we are really never alone. Best wishes, Bill

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