Doors Shut; Doors Open

| 5/16/2011 6:40:08 AM

A photo of Mountain WomanSeveral years ago,  I elected to share my life with my readers even if that meant delving into the painful parts.  My reasononing was that if I bared the darkest hours of my life as well joyous ones, I could perhaps help those who are struggling with grief, depression or through difficult days.  Because of the comments I received on my other posts, I have decided to share two more deeply personal experiences with you.  This particular essay is about the day my husband was killed.  

Doors Close; Doors Open

Sunday morning; it’s gray outside but it’s always gray in January. As I awaken, I notice the room is warm. Allan must be up. He’s turned on the heat. He knows I can’t stand to be cold. I can smell coffee brewing. My favorite flavor, Vanilla Nut. It’s not his favorite but he’s made it for me, to please me. He is always so good to me, my husband of almost thirty years. I go to the kitchen and he hands me my favorite mug. We sit down at the table with the Sunday paper and begin a ritual we have shared for many years. It’s an unspoken dance we both enjoy.

I look up from the headlines and see the snow begin to swirl. We have lived in South Carolina for many years and I haven’t seen snow in such a long time. It’s beautiful.  

“I’m taking the dogs out.”

Allan, his eyes barely leaving the paper, mumbles his assent. More like a grunt really. His attention is focused on the Sports section.

The world is turning white. I admire the snow angels made by my tumbling dogs.  

Mountain Woman
5/21/2011 6:21:01 AM

Dave, thank you.

Dave Larson
5/19/2011 1:35:29 PM

Mountain Woman, Thank you so much for sharing those moments of unbelievable loss. Reading your work, on this and other blogs, I can only admire the honesty and integrity with which you write as well as your willingness to reopen a painful door and share in order to help others. May you know joy in your life now.

Mountain Woman
5/18/2011 7:34:38 AM

Colleen, thank you. Dave, yes, we all handle grief differently and process experiences differently, Yes, I still struggle some days but for me personally my struggles have led me to appreciate the joy all the more. I decided to start sharing deeply personal experiences in order to help people who are struggling with similar issues. We are not alone and we are all bounded by our humanity. Sometimes just knowing one other person has been through a tragedy or struggled with depression etc. can help you see you are not alone and others care about you. The decision to open up my life experiences was not undertaken lightly but I've reaped many rewards from it as well. Thank you always for your support of my blog.

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