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Chaos On Serenity


You Might Be A Homesteader If...

Sparrow SinclairDo you sometimes have doubts about your homesteading identity? Perhaps you lay awake at night fretting over whether you qualify as a True Homesteader? Well fear not my friends as there are plenty of ways to tell if you or someone you love is indeed a homesteader. From leaving a trail of dirt everywhere you go to chasing down your neighbors with an armful of tomatoes, we homesteaders have a way of sticking out from the normies. Here are the top 18 ways to tell, once and for all, if you just might be a homesteader.

1. Your winter perfume is called Viva La Smoke, thanks to your occasionally uncooperative wood burner. You know you have applied just the right amount when people around you start sniffing the air and remarking they are hungry for barbecue. (Personally, I prefer the summer scent: Soil & Sweat Eau De Toilette)

2. Your husband’s year-round cologne is called A La Essence of Gasoline. You accidentally borrow it sometimes.

3. Mud haunts you.

mud boots 

4. Compost completes you.

5. Rain is everything.

6. When visiting ‘normies’, your children stare at all the modern appliances wide-eyed and gaping, perhaps asking in complete amazement what a dishwasher is.

7. You channel Oprah during peak harvesting season, gifting out zucchinis to everyone in sight (YOU get a zucchini! And YOU get a zucchini!)

8. Your medicine cabinet consists of: garlic, apple cider vinegar, and honey. Raw of course.

9. In winter you brandish the broom like a Samurai sword, drop kicking anyone who dares to enter with dirty paws or muddy boots.

10. In summer you escape into the garden at first light, chuckling at the family’s bewilderment over who is going to make breakfast.

10. You own more aprons than shoes.

11. You swear your homemade salve can cure smallpox.

12. You feel you have reached your full potential when dinner is 100 percent homegrown. You have far surpassed the pinnacle of awesomeness when said dinner includes wild foraged foods and is cooked over a flame.

13. Your children are stronger and less squeamish than most adults.

14. You believe dandelion-free lawns represent all that is wrong in the world.

15. You are plagued by sawdust. It’s in your car, your hair, your socks, your underwear. (A true homesteading mystery.)

16. You carefully monitor your children’s conversations with their friends, just so they never figure out they have way more chores than other kids.

17. Instead of having nightmares about showing up to parties naked, you show up in your muddy muck boots.

18. The traditional months of the year mean nothing to you, instead your calendar looks something like this: seed-ordering season, maple syrup season, morel mushroom season, spring foraging season, cold-hardy planting season, LAST FROST DATE, begin gardening like a maniac season, warm-enough-for-swimming-hole season, hammock nap season (too hot to garden), harvest begins, FIRST FROST DATE, oh-no-we-need-firewood season, start making copious amounts of soap for Christmas gifts season, fall hiking and foraging in the woods season, hibernation mode begins, finally have time to homeschool and handicraft season, dreaming about ordering seeds and gardening season.

Can you relate? Then you are most definitely a homesteader. Comment below and let me know if I missed anything! Also sharing is caring people, please share this post with your friends to help clear up any homesteading identity confusion.

Photo credit: Sparrow Sinclair







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