This week I thought it would be interesting to post the minutes to the most recent Grand Political Pig Party Monthly Meeting. The president is Squeak and the Vice-President is Bubbles. These are our two pigs. Since they can’t hold a very good meeting with only two animals, they asked us humans and some chickens to come and attend. In case you didn’t know, pigs are very political animals, and believe in justice, equality and liberty.
G3P Minutes 3/1/12
Grand Political Pig Party
Meeting called to order with the pig pledge.
“On my pig honor, I will do my very piggy best to be kind to my owners. To turn over all the soil. To grow fat and eat my food. To love pineapple with all my heart, and to not eat live chickens or other meat.”
Then attendance was counted by asking the question, “Who is your favorite goat?” There were two pigs, two humans, and thirteen chickens present. A total of seventeen beings came to the meeting.
The treasurer’s report stated that there was a rise in profits due to extra labor and kind contributions, making a total of one boulder, fifteen stones, and twelve pebbles. The Secretary’s report said that there have been no pigeons with messages, but there was a note from the chickadees, a copy of it is here:
‘To the FARM ANIMALS,
We wish to give our appreciation for letting us eat the leftovers of the chicken feed, and to let you know that we find the flax to be most welcome. We realize that we might have been inconsiderate in boasting how nice food is at WKH, and we understand that the crows are probably not a welcome addition. We all hope that this is not too much of a bother, but we are sorry for our actions just the same.
Old business began, with the very controversial topic of the Electric Fence.
“We do not think that you have the right,” began Squeak, “to have us be zapped every time we touch the fence.”
Bubbles appeared to agree with President Squeak’s assessment of the situation, but the humans present demanded (again) that they have a say in the topic.
Farmer E. interjected, “If you did not get quite so close to the fence you would not get electrocuted. And if you didn’t chase the chickens out of your pen, except if they have business to discuss, then you would not run into the fence.”
“It’s not that we mind particularly getting zapped, it is just that we find it quite offensive that you feel that you must treat us like animals,” Bubbles stated.
“But you are animals, that’s the point! If you stated in your pledge to not cross the fence, we might consider un-electrocuting it,” Farmer R. interjected.
Uffie coughed and cleared her throat, but the argument continued. She then pecked President Squeak on the shoulder to get his attention.
“What, Uffie, what?” Squeak grumbled.
“I make a motion,” Uffie said clearly, “to put this on the table until next month, where we can again resurrect this topic after you have all had another month to consider what each party has said.”
“Second,” Farmer E. said.
Then the meeting continued to new business.
The matter of hay started. The G3P felt that their house should be filled with hay top to bottom, so that it would be possible to burrow through it like the bunny rabbits do. The humans' reasoning on the subject was that that was all fine and dandy for the rabbits, but burrowing through hay didn’t seem to be something suited to pigs. It was agreed by a two-thirds majority that the pigs would continue to get hay, but it would not be enough to burrow in like a rabbit.
Second item of business was the matter of paint. The pigs had a sense that they had been slighted when it came to building their house. I quote, “The goats have a painted house, the chickens have a painted coop, the dogs live with the humans who have a painted home, so why don’t we get our house painted?” The humans acknowledged the injustice that had been done and agreed they would put it as a priority to get accomplished. They also reminded the pigs that it would be impossible to paint their home when it is cold or rainy out. The G3P agreed to these terms and conditions.
Third item of business was about the community service project. The humans, who thought it would be nice to have a farm garden, originally envisioned this project. Then the pigs were employed in tilling of the ground, to create a garden bed, and were to be paid in food and board. Bubbles gave an update on their progress, and everyone seemed quite pleased with their efforts. At this point, the humans explained that they had seeds started indoors to be planted once the pigs finished their work. Uffie signed the contract for bug control of the garden on behalf of herself and the other chickens.
Fourth topic of discussion was the necessary reply to the Chickadees. It was motioned and seconded that the writing of the letter would be best done by the Porcelain d’ Uccle, Pastella. Meanwhile, Uffie went and fetched Lazuli, a guinea keet, to see if she could deliver the message. The G3P showed Lazuli the tree, and it was proven that it was possible to fly that high to send the message. A basic outline was given to Pastella of what the letter must contain, and with it instructions for her to bring it to the G3P for them to approve it once it was written.
The last item of importance was a very personal issue to the pigs. There was a shortage of pineapple in their food as of late, and they dutifully let the humans know how keenly they felt this terrible injustice. Farmer R said that she would look into the issue and do her best to remedy the problem.
The meeting then concluded with the pineapple poem, which is as follows:
‘Pigs love food,
You can turn it to tea if brewed,
At political dinners they serve,
They will sell it as jelly or preserve,
Nothing is tastier than,
Good even when fried in a pan,