Isn’t life funny? It’s funny how my fear of talking to people led to more distancing myself from people — which led to more of the fear that I wasn’t good at it? I quit even trying in relationships. I’d avoid people like the plague until Facebook came along. I’d go shopping until eventually the people in the stores became accustomed to seeing me around and they’d start to act like they really liked or cared for me. I cared for them because I am a minister and I want everyone to know Jesus.
By the time I moved here to South Carolina, things changed completely. I was a totally different person and losing my home 2 years ago made me better. I started going out of my way to introduce myself to people once I came to Columbia. It became a habit (albeit forced most times) of saying “Hi, what’s your name?” Then “I’m Liberty. I’ll be praying for you.”
It’s been a long journey and I am excited that I am able to start meeting people, even if I never see them again, it’s just a new practice I have to put myself through because I feel God wants me to do it, to become a better person, a better minster, and eventually — a better business woman, better wife, better mother. Since some of these dreams haven’t yet come to fruition, I want to prepare now. Proper prior preparation prevents poor performance. This is the only way I can be happy with myself, and I think every person out there will realize this one day.
Once I started loving myself, I started trying to talk to people more. It was my own insecurity that I wasn’t “good enough” and the fact that I was abused for most of my life. I was afraid that I’d be yelled at, or at the very least, unappreciated. So, I would run once I did get to know someone. Then my life became a series of geographical cures — moving from apartment to apartment, different areas of town that I thought would “change me” or “make me happy.” Now I am happy with myself, so “home” is everywhere I go, and I don’t go looking for love, because love is where I live. I always have love to give.
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