Grit Blogs > My Bad Sheep

Actual Conversation...

….as we drove up our long driveway.

The Peanut Gallery: LOOK at that – it’s simply AMAZING.

Moi (‘cause obviously he’s referring to the fact that my pink flamingo flock looks especially vibrant and remarkable now that the green foliage of his front walkway has died back enough to look like said flamingos are CONSUMING HIS GARDEN): Yeah, totally AWESOME!

Moi, agreeably (thinking SOMEBODY HAS FINALLY SEEN THE LIGHT. The Pink Flamingo Light, that is…): There’s something about dark days that make bright color just POP.


TPG (warming to his subject): NOBODY ELSE in the neighborhood has this!

Moi (since the term ‘this’ obviously embraces the entire flock): Nope, nobody does! If they all came up here, they would be DYING OF ENVY.

TPG: So unique, so special….

Moi (receiving the first hint that SOMEBODY HAS TAKEN AN UNEXPECTED TURN AROUND THE BEND, here. ‘Cause special as they are, perhaps TPG isn’t aware there is a Pink Flamingo Factory churning out about 6,000 clones a day somewhere in Kansas….making these sukkahs somewhat less than actually “unique”…): They’re special, all right.

TPG (catching the phrasing): “They?” You mean IT, don’t you?

Moi: I do believe ‘they’ applies, if there’s more than one. And this is why I’m an English major.

TPG (confused): But there isn’t more than one!

Moi (confidently, having aced calculus decades ago, obviously for just this purpose): I counted 10 a few days ago.

TPG: Obviously there’s ONLY ONE….which is why it’s so miraculous….how the heck do you get ten out of ONE?

Me: New math. And calculus in hi school.

TPG: I’m sorry: by any math in existence you can’t get TEN out of ONE.

Moi: What are you TALKING about? (And FYI: somebody didn’t pass their human reproduction course decades ago…it’s sad, and it shows.)

TPG: That lovely little daffodil that poked its unseasonal head up just today – in DECEMBER! What are YOU talkin’ about?

Moi (now huffy, realizing my flock’s value is STILL UNRECOGNIZED): NEVER MIND….

(And, guys, just a tip: when you hear ‘never mind’ (or its handy companion ‘whatever’), just know … somehow, you gots yourself in trouble.

Consider this a SEE’S MOMENT and break out the heavy artillery….)