There is a point in time when you stop what you are doing and decide at that very moment if that is the most important thing you need to get done. I found myself at that exact moment tonight.

My family had just finished dinner and everyone was in the living room, I was at the kitchen sink getting ready to get the dishes done. I could hear the kids laughing, a laugh that was coming from the depths of their bellies, and I couldn’t help but chuckle myself. They were having a grand time playing with the baby, I could tell because in between the rolling laughter they were calling his name.

The sink was full of water and the dishes were ready to be washed. I held a plate in my hand and just stopped and stared at it, the most important thing I could be doing at this very minute was washing this plate? Was there even a reason I should be standing right here at the sink and not in with my children? My inner being was telling myself “I need to get these done, I can’t just leave them here.” A sink full of dirty dishes is just not a pleasant sight, but the thought of what was going on in the other room was so much more appealing.

I can recall so many times when my mother would say, “The dishes will wait, my kids won’t.” Those words were all I could hear, echoing through my mind as I stood there with that darn plate in my hand. I had a choice of watching my children laugh, play and just enjoy each other. To etch another memory in my mind of my children at that very second in time, at that very age and doing that very thing that was bringing them so much joy.

I did not get the dishes done, but I did get a lot of laughing and so many more memories done instead. I chose to let the dishes wait, because they will wait, I can get them done whenever I want, but my children will not wait and neither will the moments that I may have missed if I had stayed at the kitchen sink spending time with my dishes.

I find myself going through the emotions of an anticipated change – the different stages of excitement, then worry and longing, while all the gaps are filled with questions. How will we make all the ends meet, where or what will our main source of income be, medical insurance for our five children … the list almost seems endless.

How far do we want to take our dream? Do we want to have a true Homesteading lifestyle where we live off the grid, or do we want to continue to operate a small farm with the security of a full-time job; a paycheck we can rely on every week, and medical insurance that covers every possible ailment we may ever encounter?

The choices span such large variables. Should we wait until our children are older, so they are not so vulnerable? Or will waiting rob them of the true experience and opportunity to learn, live and love life on a farm? Where do we want to lay down our roots? Do we stay in our home, town or even state? Should we continue to look for farms in Vermont, New Hampshire or Maine if we really have no intentions of leaving where we are now? Our lives have been rooted in this place were we stand, our children have all started their lives here, we have experienced so many firsts. This place is so full of our memories. Is this the place where our life is meant to be? I am sometimes afraid that there is too much to try and take with us if we leave, and I am not sure I am willing to leave any of it behind.

I know that it is not a home that makes the family but a family that makes the home. I am convinced that we could make a life anywhere with or without; even in a cardboard box we would make the best of things! The most important things we have are our children, health, happiness and each other. We can do without the rest, it's just the letting go part that is so difficult. So we will continue along on this rollercoaster of life and enjoy the ups, get through the downs and look to each new day to bring us closer to our true life.

I believe the best place to start is to go back to the beginning, back to the first memories I have of life on a farm. I come from a large family of nine children; four brothers and four sisters. We grew up on what I consider a medium-sized farm, we always had a few of many different animals. We had chickens, goats, rabbits, horses, a cow or two and on occasion a pig. My parents expected us all to be contributing members of the family and to help when and where we were needed. They also expected us to be kids – to run, play and explore. I have so many fond memories of our big white farm house that was surrounded by corn fields and pastures.

My mind is swirling with all the things we were able to learn on that farm, all the things were able to experience and all the memories that will forever be etched within me. I think back to all my parents hard work and how there was not a thing they could not do or make with their own hands from things we had on the farm. Essentially the bulk of all our food was either grown or raised right there on that farm, by my parents, with a little help from all the kids. My mother could whip up a new dress for any of us girls at a moment’s notice, I don't recall many patterns laying around so I assume it was all just part of her common knowledge. We would always have a newly knitted pair of mittens, a hat and a scarf waiting for each us every winter. My father chopped and stacked wood what seemed to be every day to ensure our home was comfortably heated throughout the cool days and nights of winter. Every single meal that graced our table was filled with vegetables from our garden, either fresh or canned, warm home-baked bread and finished off with a tall glass of fresh milk from our cow or goats.

I have come to realize how ungrateful and unappreciative I was to have such pleasures. I look at all the things I had taken for granted as a child, and every single one of them I now long to provide for my children. I hear myself making excuses why I can't find the time to bake that loaf of bread or have a larger garden, and then I have to step back and truly take a look at how ridiculous I sound. Every new generation believes they have less time to do the things that need to be done and the things they need to get done are twice as hard as they ever were. How can that be true if we are supposed to be in an ever-improving society? If every new invention or electronic item is suppose to make life so much easier, than why does life always seem to just get harder?

I have reached a point in my life when I am doing some real soul searching, trying to find my true place on this earth. I am finding that all roads are leading me back to where I began, back to the beginning of all the experiences that truly defined me as a person, back home to my childhood. That life of hard, simple work that had true meaning in every single thing that was done. I have been blessed with the basic knowledge to get me going and the true love and support of my husband who stands firmly beside me as we venture through this journey to our "new" old way of living. We have realized that we no longer want to live behind walls of "maybe" and "never" but we are willing to step back out into the sun and allow ourselves to find and create a self-sufficient, self-responsible life. We have planted the seeds of change, begun to spread our roots and are anxiously awaiting our full harvest from our farm, family and life.