I am a teenager who recently moved to a little farm called Walnut Kitchen Homestead. There are many animals living here, and we have about fifty chickens. Each one has its own name, and one of the most personable hens is Uffie. She is a Black Silkie Bantam, and we bought her as a pullet, when she was being raised in a closet by a college student.
Due to some unforeseen events, Uffie is currently trying to figure out her new occupation. Recently she has stopped laying eggs, because of winter time. She also lost her young ‘uns, due to the misunderstanding of Cookie thinking that they were hers. With her long absence as Head Pecker there was some Management Re-Organization, leaving her unemployed in this tough economy. So this is the resume she submitted to us; an application to be the farm’s mascot.
Transcribed and translated from “cluckish” to English by Rosalind.
After reading Uffie’s resume, do you think she should be our mascot? If not, what additional experience is needed? Please post answers in "comments" section below.
The Red Coop with Trim * Kansas * DaChick@ChickenWorld.hen
March-April 2011: Attended Elementary Chicken Years in The Closet Academy. Received instruction in The Ways of Clucking under the tutelage of Ms. Zuzu.
May-August 2011: Attended Leo House High School. Became accomplished in foraging, grub identification and time management.
September-December 2011 : Attended WHK University, earning a Bachelor of Science, majoring in Scratch; and a Master of Science with a specialization in Relative Pecking Theory.
Politician: After a very competitive running for office, was elected Prime Minister of Coopingville. A short time later resigned as the coop’s first tyrant and dictator. Accomplishments include establishing the farm as a “Right to Work Location,” as well as passing the laws and restrictions “Don’t Cluck, Don’t Peck,” “Anti-Aggression Laws,” “Eggie Lay” and “Coopie Back.”
Lead vocalist: Gained experience singing in the ‘Morning Peepers’ and in the songs “You Don’t Give Me Scraps No More,” “Just a Peck,” “Grit Road Anthem” and “Red Single Comb.”
Hair Stylist: Expert in removing feathers with the pecking technique.
Private Detective: Once followed subject around diligently for a week straight, learned very important and highly sensitive information about goats.
Amateur Therapy Chicken: Not yet worked anywhere but at the farm, but when you are feeling down, there isn’t a friendlier ear to be found.
Professional Taste Tester: Has successfully worked at a food facility deciding if food is rotten or moldy. Recipient of the Hen of the Month award for cleanliness in disposing food waste without assistance.
Small Business Owner: Started own bartering company where many types of eggs were traded, and employees are fairly treated and allowed to roam.
Construction Overseer: Watched many construction projects started and finished. Has basic understanding of knife usage.
Actor: Played Cluckstine in the musical The Phantom of the Chicken Coop.
Entomology (study of bugs), Avid Reader of Robert Burns, Weather Forecasting, Straw Surfing, Roosting Pole High Jump, Running of the Cow, and Aviary Aviation.
Mother of three children who are currently and lawfully placed under the custody of her Cochin friend, Cookie.
The only surviving victim of a very horrific hawk attack that took place at the farm. Received accolades for marshalling fellow chicks under the green tree, for brave actions and clear thinking which saved lives. The accused still remains to be caught. A lawsuit has been filed for compensation of feather loss.